Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
