Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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