Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize