1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
