Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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