You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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