you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
