There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So many bounce houses so little time
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
