Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
