Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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