i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
