READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
