Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
