you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
