fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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