i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
