ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
