Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
