I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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