Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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