You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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