there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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