Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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