This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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