my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
