maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
