OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
