Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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