This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
