first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
