hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
