An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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