WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
