I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
