He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
