It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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