Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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