I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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