I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
