living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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