WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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