You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
