my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
