giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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