Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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