part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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