From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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