so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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