We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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