I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
