I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
