My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
