did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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