When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
