You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i dont even know how to be here
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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