we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
