I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
