oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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