If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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