Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
