i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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