But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
