Whod you bang
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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