what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
