the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
