Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
