does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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