then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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