Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize