I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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