Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
