For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
