I'm jealous of your bromance
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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