I am puke
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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